Today I did nothing. Today I did not put on pants. Today I looked at the dirt on my bathroom floor in disgust. Today I did 12 push-ups and gave up. Today I did not work on my video. Today I did not play the drums. Today I was too lazy to make lunch. Today I ate eggs and watched Family Guy. Today I got in a text argument with my ex-girlfriend over stupid things. Today I am the asshole. Today I did not read any printed material. Today I stared at facebook. Today I did not step outside. Today I did not see sunlight. Today I did not put on socks or shoes. Today I am no closer to starting a family. Today I did not speak to a single human being. Today I worried about money, and did nothing about it. Today I looked at pictures from four years ago, and thought about how I used to look young. Today I did not write my congressman. Today I began making a flier to post around the neighborhood advertising my services as drum instructor, but did not finish. Today I did nothing to help the people of Japan. Today I looked at twitter. Today I walked from the couch to the kitchen and back. Today I did not help the homeless. Today I did not put on a shirt. Today I am no closer to winning an Oscar, Grammy, Emmy, or the Nobel Peace Prize. Today I deepened my carbon footprint. Today I am an ugly American. Today I did not do the laundry, take out the trash, or clean the inside of the refrigerator. Today I did not floss. Today I did not serve my country or my fellow man. Today I did not help in the advancement of equal rights. Today I did nothing.

The first step of a productive day: Put on pants.